So, you let someone talk you into building an Internet website, huh? It is quite the trendy fad. You’d better be careful, though, your life could change. One of the disadvantages to having a website is that people who like it will want to buy things from you or use your services and keep you from your leisurely life of playing computer games and eating nachos. Being a care-free pauper is much easier. If building your business is cramping your style, you could just let your search engine rankings tank, drive away visitors and live a quiet life without interruption. Here are five easy ways to do just that.
1. Use a single page for your website to keep things easy. Cram everything onto one page. All of it. That way, people can let the page load while they’re doing something else and come back later. If they hang around long enough to see what’s on your site, they can see all of your services, all of your products and all of your information all at once. Uh-oh. If you already have multiple pages on your website, not to worry. Just fill them up with advertising. You can make money without having to deal with your visitors — at least for a little while. Cram in as many ads as you possibly can and see what happens.
2. Disguise your identity. If you were silly enough to create a Contact page, don’t let anyone know how or where to find you. Hide. One of those lone contact buttons on the page with no information about your location will do. People will use it if they’re desperate enough to ask questions. Don’t give them an address, a telephone number to call or a real life email address to contact, though. They might find you and hunt you down. Of course, by then they may not trust you with their personal information or their money, but that’s their problem. The fewer the sales, the better, thank you very much.
3. Once you have put together your website, that’s it. Take a break. You don’t need to add anything to it. Ever. Don’t update the information. Don’t create a blog. Blogs are for people who want to interact with their customers and share interesting information. Uh-oh. You’ve already got a blog, have you? No worries. Just quit using it, cold turkey.
4. Steer clear of mobile users. Smartphones, tablets and laptops are a fad, just like the Internet. No need to spend precious time and talent on that bunch. Only one in seven Internet searches is from a mobile device, anyway.
5. If you’re gonna write content for your website, do it quickly. The write-it-and-you’re-done concept is the quickest and easiest way to put content together. No research necessary. Don’t waste your time proofreading it, either. If people are smart enough to visit your website in the first place, they can figure out what you meant to say. Besides, who cares if anyone tries to read it, anyway? You do want them to just go away, right?